UPDATE: Irwin and the Stairs

Irwin finally made it up the stairs!!!!! Twice!!! I have yet to see him in action, but when I do, I will keep you all posted.

Chronicles of Irwin and the Stairs

When I first adopted Irwin I noticed that he did not attempt to climb the spiral staircase in our home.  I was worried because I thought the spiral stairs would be a fun adventure for any cat.  I talked to my pet sitter and she told me not to worry because he was just adjusting.  "Ok," I told myself, "He's not slow, he is just getting use to the new space."  Weeks later, Irwin still would not climb up the stairs.  No longer was "adjustment" an excuse.  I told my dad this and he said the stairs probably scare him and give him vertigo.   Vertigo? Who has ever heard of a cat with vertigo?

Months into our relationship, I came to terms that Irwin was not your normal cat.  For starters, he does not run away from things, he jogs.  He constantly looks confused and surprised when Sofia harasses him instead of hiding and running away from her.  When you are doing things to him that he doesn't like, say putting clothes on him or surprise cuddle attacks, he will protest for a second and then just give in to whatever torture you inflict upon him.  Every now and then I try to get him upstairs.  I do this by picking him up and covering his eyes as I go up the stairs to stop him from crying bloody murder. Otherwise, there is absolutely no way of getting Irwin up the stairs.  I know the stairs are climbable because one time Mushoo came for a sleepover and the second thing he did was to climb the damn stairs.  Therefore, the stairs are not a kitty death trap and are totally climbable.  Even Sofia, who is the size of Irwin, climbs the stairs with no problem!

Anyhow, Boyfriend was convinced that we just have to teach Irwin to climb the stairs and then he will love it.  So he worked with Irwin for days putting treats on each stairs.  Irwin quickly master going down the stairs, but just would not climb up the stairs.  Finally, Boyfriend and I gave up on the idea of Irwin climbing the stairs and just accepted that Irwin would never climb the stairs.

Surprisingly just the other day, Boyfriend and I walked in on Irwin actually climbing the stairs!  He didn't get all the way up, but he is almost there. Here is photographic proof:

grRRRmEErrrAHHHHH

So it has been a not so great week for Sofia.  First, she had that fiasco at Stella's house and then she peed on our bed...twice.  Needless to say, I am very displeased with her and she is going to be in time-out for a while.    Of course, Sofia has no idea why she is being punished which this in itself only adds to my frustration.  Obviously, yelling at her does nothing and I am at my wits end trying to figure out how I can help Sofia to stop being a crazy bitch.  Therefore, while I am trying to find solutions for my current Sofia Situation, I look to other tales of animal dysfunction to help me feel better about myself and my crazy-ass animals.  Enter Hyperbole and a Half's latest blog entry. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/11/dogs-dont-understand-basic-concepts.html This both made me laugh and temporary forget that I have a dog who peed twice on the bed.

Studying with the Animals Saturday

Normally I am the inventor for marvelously brilliant plots and schemes, yesterday was no different. I decided instead of going out like a normal 20 something-ish person, I would take the animals out for a studying adventure. The plan was this:
1-get Irwin in a bag
2- get in-the-bag-Irwin and Sofia in the car
3- drop Sofia off at her “best friend”/mortal enemy’s house (aka Stella)
4- sneak in-the-bag-Irwin into a rehab center to visit Joan
5-let Irwin out of the bag
6- bring Irwin back to Stella’s house
7-“study”

Plans 1-6 went smoothly. Plan 7, not so much. One would think that of all those plans 7 would be the easiest, well it was not without some blood, sweat, and tons of tears. Irwin, who was already the rock star of the day, made so many strides to his character. First of all, he was a great guy to sneak in because he hardly cried. He was great in the car, sitting properly and looking out the window. He even had the occasional question about things like, “Where the hell am I?” “Why am I in a bag?” “Can I have some turkey?” Then he was great visiting Joan and not freaking out about being in a new environment. Well, that’s Irwin for you, cool as a cucumber.

So anyway, we went to Stella’s house and Irwin began exploring like a…well explorer. He seems completely unaffected by Stella even though he had never met her and Stella, and for her credit, she was being very lady like and not getting into Irwin’s personal space much. So I let Irwin continue to do his thing. Then I went upstairs to check on Sofia. Boyfriend decided that we should walk Stella and Sofia together, and I was like “GREAT IDEA!!!!!” Hey, I have seen Cesar Milan work his magic on two hostile dogs just by simply walking them together, side by side. I can totally do that! WRONG! As soon as we put Stella and Sofia side by side, all hell broke loose.

Let me clarify a couple of things here. First of all, Stella is a sweetie. She’s crazy, but she is sweet and very playful. Sofia is not. Sofia is like that bossy bitch in school, who likes to interfere with everyone’s fun just because they were bothering her. Sofia DOES NOT PLAY. If you throw a ball at her, she will give you the “What the fuck did you do that for? Do you expect me to go get you that thing? What am I, your dog?” look. Therefore, Sofia does not tolerate any shenanigans from other dogs…or cats…or anything. So basically, the dogs started fighting and dragged me into the snow with them. Let me clarify a second point, Stella is a healthy in-shape dog. Sofia is short, stumpy, and round. Let’s take a guess who won that fight. While the actual fight wasn’t that bad, Sofia was left with a slight snatch near her eye and a deflated ego. Meanwhile, I was covered in snow and upset because Sofia is the more obedient and older dog of the two, therefore she should just have ignored Stella. Of course she didn’t. With our spirits a bit dampened, we all went back inside and continued on with the plan.

For a while everything was fine. Stella was sleeping in her bed downstairs, Sofia was snoring on my feet upstairs, Irwin was still exploring, and the other two cats, Mushoo and Isabelle, were doing their own thing in their kitty attic. Irwin finally finishes exploring, so I decide to put him near me while studying. Irwin then starts making these strange deep throated noises that were something between a hiss and a meow. Sofia, of course, gets really agitated by this and starts barking and herding Irwin out the room. Chaos ensues, again. Somehow Sofia is downstairs again with Stella, and Irwin is confused but on the steps. Sofia and Stella start getting all growly with each other and finally Stella lifts her paw and slams it down on Sofia. At this point, I am done interfering with those crazy girls and let them both just fight it out between themselves. Luckily at the paw slap, Sofia just growls and runs back upstairs. Stella- 2 Sofia-0.

All this commotion finally gets the other cats’ attention, so Mushoo and Isabelle finally make an appearance to see what is going on. Clarification #3: Mushoo is a tiny Siamese cat with lots of cojones. He’s a bit of an asshole in that he’s not afraid of anything and he will lay the law down when he needs to. He also loves attention and gets pretty angry when he isn’t getting any. Isabelle (or Bella) is twice the size of Mushoo and is as sweet as a Cinabon. She is super-duper shy but very loving and affectionate. She doesn’t seem to mind being second fiddle.

At this time, Mushoo sees he’s not getting any sort of attention and goes on his way. Bella, however, was intrigued by all the commotion, so she decided to stick around. Plus, she was hungry. Irwin goes back upstairs and settles under the bed. Bella seeing Irwin and deciding he is safe starts to approach him. Once again Irwin begins making his noise. Sofia comes back into the room and starts barking, yet again. I have had it. The study session is clearly not going as planned, and Sofia has earned herself a time-out. All was normal again, except for Irwin’s noises. Yet, Bella continued to try to get closer to Irwin. At that point I was so strung out from all the animal drama that I broke down and started crying. Bella satisfied her curiosity and went back upstairs. Sofia was allowed back into the room and went under the bed with Irwin. The animals were finally at peace with each other, but I was still on the bed crying my eyes out. Boyfriend tried to comfort me and finally decided that it is time for us to go home. By the time we got home, I don’t think there was anyone who wasn’t glad that Studying Saturday was over.

Cast of characters:

Sofia

Irwin

Stella

Mushoo

Isabelle

And I thought Irwin was big...

omg omg omg omg omg omg!!!!!!

http://fuckyeahfatcat.tumblr.com/

Oh inter-animal love..

Damn it!  This made me cry....

Sofia vs the Raincoat

Sofia does not like water. She does not like rain.  Therefore, when it rains and she needs her walk, obviously she wears her raincoat.  Sofia is a fan of clothes and such and I know this because she told me.  She’s a pretty fashionable gal, not because she has good fashion choices, but because I do.  Anyhow back to the raincoat… Well, I bought her a raincoat on-line that turned out to be way too big and even though I made alterations, Sofia still had trouble walking in it.  Well, not so much walking as waddling in it.  This certainly made no sense because there is no reason for her to run or waddle in the rain when she has a raincoat on and clearly running/waddling causes her to trip on herself.  Nevertheless, she is determined/stubborn so trip she will.

Flippy

My god mother forwarded me a link to a fantastic cat named Flippy.  I wish I would have been exposed to Flippy earlier because unfortunately, Flippy died earlier this year.  This is indeed very tragic news.  Luckily the memory of Flippy will live on forever thanks to youtube.   I will probably showcase more of Flippy throughout the year, but since I recently made a post about Irwin’s obsession with food, I thought it appropriate to feature one video of Flippy crying about…well who knows what.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HSylqgVYQI&feature=related

Panera Pigeon

A couple of days ago I stopped at a Panera and found this enormous pigeon by the door. This episode reminded of an event that happened to me while I was studying in Milan. When I visited the Sforza Castle in Milan, I came upon a pigeon that was as big as a basketball. No joke, this pigeon was the size of a chicken! Of course I didn’t have a camera so I could not get photographic evidence of this insanely large pigeon, so I went on my merry way to look at other things inside the castle. However, when I returned to the spot in which I found the fat pigeon, he was gone! Imagine my dismay at such an occurrence. I mean, where the hell could a fat pigeon go? There weren’t many places to hide and he certainly did not seem like a runner. So while that event stayed in my head, I had to wonder if I had somehow made up the fat pigeon…That is until a couple of days ago. While the Panera pigeon was not nearly as big as the Milan pigeon, he was by far the biggest pigeon I have seen in Chicago. Unfortunately, there were no other pigeon around him to give him a frame of referenced but that is probably because he ate the other regular sized pigeon. So for your convenience, I have made diagrams to illustrate his size. These diagrams are not shown to scale, but they are pretty damn precise.

Here are some images of the Panera pigeon:

Could this be love?

The greatest invention ever!!!!! Hint for those of you in the gift giving mode...

http://www.petco.com/product/110128/CatGenie-120-Cat-Litter-Box.aspx?CoreCat=CatSFC_LitterLitterBoxes

Irwin's Saga Pt 2

Video proof of Irwin's agongy. Enjoy!

Letter to Anti Cruelty

A while ago I wrote a letter to Chicago’s Anti-Cruelty Society to tell them how awesome my babies are and of course as an excuse to send them pictures of Sofia and Irwin.  My boyfriend saw this and decided that he too will send a letter to Anti-Cruelty.  The following is his letter:

Dear "anti"-cruelty society,

I adopted Irwin and Sofia from you guys a while back. Irwin is a great cat. He is soft and affectionate. Sofia, on the other hand, is a terrible animal. She smells. She farts. She wakes me up throughout the night with her barking. Her hair is terrible; it feels like greasy weasel with eczema. Her looks give me the creeps. I think she might be a demon spawned in hell. Furthermore, she bites. She has bitten five people so far. She is a legal liability. In fact, I am considering suing you for criminal negligence for adopting such an animal in the first place. She has breathing problems.  She can't run. She looks like a retarded crab walking sideways when you walk her. Did I mention that she smells? She smells like she lives in sewer. She snores. She sleeps on the bed in the most awkward positions. She threatens to bite you if you attempt to move her.

Sincerely

First of all this letter is a GREAT exaggeration of Sofia.  Sofia is most charming, loving and sweet.  Yes, she has bitten people, but that is because she has trust issues.  She sometimes smells, but not right now.  She snores, but it’s a comforting snore, not like some who mumble in his sleep and yells about non-understandable things…cough, cough, boyfriend, cough, cough.  Also, why should her eczema be held against her?  It is not her fault she has dry skin!  Sofia is my little protector, never mind that she is short, slow, that she is kind of blind, can’t smell, and her bites probably wouldn’t draw much blood.  She does her best and she does it out of love.

Obesity Epidemic?

This is slightly interesting:
http://jezebel.com/5701146/obesity-epidemic-spreads-to-pets--lab-animals

So to all you haters, Irwin is NOT FAT!  He is big boned and HEALTHY!

The Saga of Irwin Peppermint

Every morning, Irwin clears his throat to begin singing the world’s saddest song.  His voice fills up with every emotion possible, ranging from the sweetest innocent sound to the ravings of a mad man. His operatic song fills the house with intensity, drama.  All for what?  Well, Mr. Irwin P. lives in a rather simple world, an intense emotion-filled simple world.  For Irwin the most important thing in the world is his food dish and the status of that said food dish.  No matter how many times I consistently fed him or even when he still has food in his dish, Irwin sings the same song.  I am not sure a- why he just doesn’t check his bowl for food and b- why he seems to think that I wouldn’t feed him.  He is a little on the chucky side, but that in no way means that I would neglect to feed him.  Maybe his morning and afternoon aria isn’t really about food after all, maybe he is recounting his crazy ass dreams…le sigh.  One can only hope.

The Campaign to Put Clothes on Animals

Ok guys, this is an extremely important cause. As a lover of animals, I feel it is of the utter most importance to make sure our children are appropriately clothe.  First of all if they are walking around naked, crazy people could come up to them and do crazy things to them.  What those crazy things are, I am not sure, but I am sure they would do said crazy things.  Secondly, they just act better with clothes on.  They act dignified.  Case in point, Stella a 1 year old German Shepard and Collie mix usually act like a nutty beast, jumping around like mad,  using people's hands are chew toys, etc.  However, when she has he smoking jacket on...magic!  Suddenly she is ready to have tea with the Queen of England.

Stella before  clothes (notice the craziness):

Stella with clothes on:
Lady Stella in her smoking jacket:

Stella ready for the cruel Chicago Winter:

Another one bites the dust : (

This is truly sad news. Prince Chunk- the 44 lb cat died sometime last week. This cuddly monster died peacefully in his sleep. Le. Weep. Well there goes my plan to partake in a pilgrimage to worship at the gigantic feet of the Prince.

http://gawker.com/5700103/prince-chunk-gigantic-cat-dies-at-about-10

RIP Prince Chunk

Sofia and Iwrin: Super Stars

Once a upon a time, I want to be a world class famous ballerina/opera singer/tennis player.  I totally believed my dream was achievable despite the fact that I never played tennis in my life, stopped dancing ballet in high school, and a degree in vocal performance just doesn't equal a job at any world renown opera companies.  So while I have decided to put that dream on hold, at least I can make this dream come true for my little ones.  Sofia definitely has what it takes to be a diva- sassy attitude, forceful demands for attention, a determined focused approach to life regards of her failures.  Irwin Peppermint not so much, but he certainly has the looks for stardom.  Anyhow, I have decided they will become famous cause DAMN IT THEY ARE STARS!  So without farther ado, here are my babies' youtube debuts:

dancing dog

Recently while watching America's cutest dog on Animal Planet, I came across the best dog youtube I have seen in a long time.  Trust me this is impressive, seeing that part of my full time job is researching the cutest animal videos ever, I would know a quality video when I saw one.


Technically the dog is dancing meringue not salsa, but I can forgive this error because of the dog's mad skills.  She dances better than my boyfriend, which doesn't really say much...  I tried getting Sofia to dance with me.  Let's just say she is clearly not the dancer in the family.

Pictures of my two little brats. Sofia is the 5 year old Corgi mix.  She's the sassy one.  Irwin is the 5 year old shorthair fatty.  Irwin Peppermint is chill like some one who smokes massive amounts of pot...Not that I would know anything about that...I swear...I only know about cats...and dogs...and cupcakes...STOP BEING A HATER!

So to start things up, here are a few of my trusty animal related sites I frequently enjoy.
http://hipsterpuppies.tumblr.com/
http://hungoverowls.tumblr.com/
http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigmiaow.pl