Irwin Adventures

Irwin in a dress. He looks damn good.

Once upon a time, Irwin went missing. My significant other (s.o.) decided to take Irwin and Sofia to Grandma Due’s house because that is just what they do. The trip was great of course. They sure love their grandma and everything was going swell. Well, swell until Irwin- the fat ass fucker decided that he was going to escort himself out the car. I was at the animal house happily enjoying an animal free house, when S.O. came in with only Sofia. Apparently, he was taking Sofia out of the car first so he turned around for a second and Irwin Peppermint took the opportunity to get out as well. 

So, S.O. told me the cat escaped and went out looking for him. None of us were worried at the time because, well have you seen Irwin? He is not exactly the world’s fastest animal, so he could not have gone too far. However, 10 minutes later S.O. still came in with no cat. I preceded to lose my shit and rolled up in a ball to productively cry. Cause, you know, that is the number one productive thing to do. I called my mom hyper ventilating and what not, threatening divorce and other useful things. She pretty much told me to calm the fuck down and reminded me that Irwin is a fat cat so he cannot be far. 

I grabbed the extra flashlight and joined S.O. in the search. I went around the block several times, looked in the bushes, asked neighbors. Nothing. It was looking grim. So I went back for round two of “productive” crying. S.O. came in 5 minutes later with a smug fat ass Irwin. He has been underneath the neighboring car the entire time. Napping. That fucker.

Morale of the story: Irwin is a lazy ass fucker who will not go very far when left to his own devices.

Irwin at Grandma's

Hello again

 The belly of truth

 

It has been a while folks. I know you all have been desperately needing some Ifi’s animal blog in your life, so I have graciously decided to write a post dedicated to you, the fans.

Where to start, since so much has happened since the last post? Irwin and Sofia have had so many adventures and such that I would be able to fill a book with all their stories. Anyways priories. Biggest misadventures first. Sofia bit Irwin. In the face.  

What had happened was, Irwin had been getting rather courageous lately. You know, asserting his authority and such. So he was starting to smack or pat Sofia on the butt. If you know Sofia you would know that Sofia is very sensitive about her butt. She doesn’t like the vet to put things in it. She doesn’t like other doggies to be all up on it. I have no idea why. I think she has a very nice bunny butt.

Anyhow, Sofia would normally ignore Irwin’s butt smacking and act as if Irwin did not exist and it was just a fly accidently running into her butt. This time, however, it was not to be so. Sofia ended up biting the shit out of Irwin. Irwin tried to fight back, but alas he has no claws so I had to break them up. It. Was. Tragic. Irwin ended up scowling for the rest of the week and left the area if Sofia was around. Sofia was unchanged by the incident.

The bad girl

I do feel the need to back Sofia up a bit because I know most of you would think of her as a little demon dog from hell. Don’t get me wrong she is a little imp that likes to sleep under beds and breathe loudly BUT, earlier that week Sofia did have a stressful weekend with Stella at my parents’ farm. Sofia behaved extraordinarily well despite Stella being Stella, acting like a crazy beast. Sofia growled a bit at Stella but overall she was a good girl…until we came home.

I know this seems like such a tragic story with no possible good moral to it, but I assure you, there is. Moral: Don’t smack Sofia in the butt. Also, now Irwin has a sexy scar that makes him look manly. Irwin no longer is an innocent kitty, but a warrior who has fought (and lost) against the evils of the universe. 

The big guy

In the past I have defended Irwin's size. He is not fat, he is just a big boy. However, lately even I can not shy away from the fact that he is enormous. Maybe it is because Sofia is getting tiny, but Irwin looks like he has eaten another cat. The bf has finally given up on complaining about Irwin's potions and has now decided we need to make Irwin the fattest cat ever. This is not a plan I agree with. The problem is Irwin notices when I give him less food and then he starts to whine and whine a lot, so I always end up giving him more food then needed. He is such a good looking guy, but really don't want him to have health troubles in the future. He is going to be turning 6 next month, so Irwin is no longer a young guy. Well, at least he is happy and can get on his food table. Sigh. Irwin and his momma are so much alike in some ways.

Irwin, his food table, and his sweater

Chi Town mother f@ckers!

Classic Chi-Town folks!

Gato

Someone wants some pasta.

Stella bella bonana

 This somehow reminds me of Stella:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/04/wild-animal-simple-dog-goes-for-joy.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Hyperbole-and-a-half+%28Hyperbole-And-A-Half%29

The wild beast giving her "what did I do?" look.

Speaking of the Stellakins, there has been a lot of Stella sitting of late. We had the pleasure of having a Stella sleepover a while back and then this weekend we had a Sofia sleepover. As I may have mentioned before, Stella and Sofia have sooo much in common that one would think they would be the bestest friends. Alas, that is the not case...yet. Thus, the everlasting friendship of Sofia and Stella has been a main project of the boy and I. 

The S² project has been an on going task and the sleepovers are only the beginning. I am proud to say that as stressful as the sleepovers have been with Stella's constant crying, jumping on things, and chewing random non-chewable items and Sofia's growling, bitchiness, and over protected behavior, the S² crew has learned to be a pack. As much as Sofia fights Stella inside the house, outside they are a team. They chase rabbits together (or at least attemp to). They run together. They pee on each other's pee, or at least Sofia does. In other words, they are the greatest disfuntional dog pack you will ever encouter.

The pack

Adventures in puke and etc.

Spring break was a lovely time filled with the usual spring break mayhem: booze, beaches, guns and of course stomach flu. Many beautiful days were spent on sunny beaches and coming back was a major drag. But, at alas, I severally missed my babies. Both were with their respective grandfolks living it up. Irwin was prospering with his cousins Mushoo, Isabelle, and Stella and getting all the poop-y food in the world. Sofia was losing weight under the regime of my mother and getting all the walks she so desired.

Obviously, everyone had a grand time. Coming back sucked and it was made a bit worse by the stomach flu I caught. Not so great days were spent with aches, fevers, poop, and puke. I guess Sofia, in the spirit of solidarity, decided to join in on the fun. The boyfriend too decided to partake, abet in a lesser degree, therefore soon practically the whole house hold became a haven for shit and other bodily fluids. The only one not affected was Irwin-who stayed blissfully unaware of the pain and torture around him.

But really, who knows what wrong with Sofia. One day she was fine, the next day she could not keep anything in. Poor thing looked so miserable as she could not search for garbage per usual. She would take a drink of water and then vomit it all out. Then on her walks, her poo came out like waterfalls of liquid chocolate. It. Was. Awesome. I have to say my favorite moment of all this was when Sofia got the urge to throw up next to Irwin. I am not sure if she purposely tried to puke on him or if she just happened to be walking in Irwin’s direction. I like to think the former. Basically, she walked up to Irwin and puked, while Irwin laid there unfazed and uninterested in the fact that he almost got puked on. He didn’t even bother to move out of the way when I had the clean up the vomit.

Here is a reenactment of the incident: