Sunday, December 5, 2010
Studying with the Animals Saturday
Normally I am the inventor for marvelously brilliant plots and schemes, yesterday was no different. I decided instead of going out like a normal 20 something-ish person, I would take the animals out for a studying adventure. The plan was this:
1-get Irwin in a bag
2- get in-the-bag-Irwin and Sofia in the car
3- drop Sofia off at her “best friend”/mortal enemy’s house (aka Stella)
4- sneak in-the-bag-Irwin into a rehab center to visit Joan
5-let Irwin out of the bag
6- bring Irwin back to Stella’s house
Plans 1-6 went smoothly. Plan 7, not so much. One would think that of all those plans 7 would be the easiest, well it was not without some blood, sweat, and tons of tears. Irwin, who was already the rock star of the day, made so many strides to his character. First of all, he was a great guy to sneak in because he hardly cried. He was great in the car, sitting properly and looking out the window. He even had the occasional question about things like, “Where the hell am I?” “Why am I in a bag?” “Can I have some turkey?” Then he was great visiting Joan and not freaking out about being in a new environment. Well, that’s Irwin for you, cool as a cucumber.
So anyway, we went to Stella’s house and Irwin began exploring like a…well explorer. He seems completely unaffected by Stella even though he had never met her and Stella, and for her credit, she was being very lady like and not getting into Irwin’s personal space much. So I let Irwin continue to do his thing. Then I went upstairs to check on Sofia. Boyfriend decided that we should walk Stella and Sofia together, and I was like “GREAT IDEA!!!!!” Hey, I have seen Cesar Milan work his magic on two hostile dogs just by simply walking them together, side by side. I can totally do that! WRONG! As soon as we put Stella and Sofia side by side, all hell broke loose.
Let me clarify a couple of things here. First of all, Stella is a sweetie. She’s crazy, but she is sweet and very playful. Sofia is not. Sofia is like that bossy bitch in school, who likes to interfere with everyone’s fun just because they were bothering her. Sofia DOES NOT PLAY. If you throw a ball at her, she will give you the “What the fuck did you do that for? Do you expect me to go get you that thing? What am I, your dog?” look. Therefore, Sofia does not tolerate any shenanigans from other dogs…or cats…or anything. So basically, the dogs started fighting and dragged me into the snow with them. Let me clarify a second point, Stella is a healthy in-shape dog. Sofia is short, stumpy, and round. Let’s take a guess who won that fight. While the actual fight wasn’t that bad, Sofia was left with a slight snatch near her eye and a deflated ego. Meanwhile, I was covered in snow and upset because Sofia is the more obedient and older dog of the two, therefore she should just have ignored Stella. Of course she didn’t. With our spirits a bit dampened, we all went back inside and continued on with the plan.
For a while everything was fine. Stella was sleeping in her bed downstairs, Sofia was snoring on my feet upstairs, Irwin was still exploring, and the other two cats, Mushoo and Isabelle, were doing their own thing in their kitty attic. Irwin finally finishes exploring, so I decide to put him near me while studying. Irwin then starts making these strange deep throated noises that were something between a hiss and a meow. Sofia, of course, gets really agitated by this and starts barking and herding Irwin out the room. Chaos ensues, again. Somehow Sofia is downstairs again with Stella, and Irwin is confused but on the steps. Sofia and Stella start getting all growly with each other and finally Stella lifts her paw and slams it down on Sofia. At this point, I am done interfering with those crazy girls and let them both just fight it out between themselves. Luckily at the paw slap, Sofia just growls and runs back upstairs. Stella- 2 Sofia-0.
All this commotion finally gets the other cats’ attention, so Mushoo and Isabelle finally make an appearance to see what is going on. Clarification #3: Mushoo is a tiny Siamese cat with lots of cojones. He’s a bit of an asshole in that he’s not afraid of anything and he will lay the law down when he needs to. He also loves attention and gets pretty angry when he isn’t getting any. Isabelle (or Bella) is twice the size of Mushoo and is as sweet as a Cinabon. She is super-duper shy but very loving and affectionate. She doesn’t seem to mind being second fiddle.
At this time, Mushoo sees he’s not getting any sort of attention and goes on his way. Bella, however, was intrigued by all the commotion, so she decided to stick around. Plus, she was hungry. Irwin goes back upstairs and settles under the bed. Bella seeing Irwin and deciding he is safe starts to approach him. Once again Irwin begins making his noise. Sofia comes back into the room and starts barking, yet again. I have had it. The study session is clearly not going as planned, and Sofia has earned herself a time-out. All was normal again, except for Irwin’s noises. Yet, Bella continued to try to get closer to Irwin. At that point I was so strung out from all the animal drama that I broke down and started crying. Bella satisfied her curiosity and went back upstairs. Sofia was allowed back into the room and went under the bed with Irwin. The animals were finally at peace with each other, but I was still on the bed crying my eyes out. Boyfriend tried to comfort me and finally decided that it is time for us to go home. By the time we got home, I don’t think there was anyone who wasn’t glad that Studying Saturday was over.
Cast of characters: