Inspirational Quotes

S.O. and I made these inspirational quotes for you all to enjoy. I think it is important to spread the inspiration, so go on- spread it. 

Posers

Whatev NYC- ChiTown totally rocks the hipster pubs way more!

They don't even look like hipsters!

Let me show you how its done assholes.

Stella prefers only vintage cigars from Cuba and thinks it taste better when she wears her smoking jacket. Sofia is trying to bring diapers back in style by telling everyone who will listen that diapers "are like so convenient".

Irwin Peppermint aka Pillow Paws, thinks Beirut’s new album is too mainstream therefore refuses to listen to it anymore ever though he brought their latest LP at their last show.

Of course it is not that my babies are even remotely anything like hipsters....

What happened to Sofia?

Many of you might think I have been neglecting Sofia a lot in this blog of late. I have, but not without good reason. My dearest little imp from hell has been deathly sick over the last months.  She’s not dead, worry you not, but she was near death for a bit. Sofia has dropped from a robust 24 pounds to 12. Now she’s at a lithe 13.7ish pounds. Who knew that death could be such a fantastic diet plan! Meanwhile, Irwin and I are sturdy like linebackers; Irwin is an impressive 19.5 pounds. Anyhow, I digress. This post is about Sofia, not me or Irwin.  

Before

After

So the vets and her grandpa think she might have either Addision’s disease or IBS, therefore she is on steroids. Man, I thought puke fest 2011 was bad, until we had diarrhea fest 2011 that seemed like it was never going to end. The bathroom became everyone’s toilet and this did not a good time make. Then Sofia stopped EATING and HARASSING Irwin! Her two favorite things in the whole wide world! We knew something was seriously wrong. All I can say is THANK GOD for steroids. Sofia is pooping like a champ and eating with her usual vigor. I never would have thought that I would miss picking up actual lumps of poop! Seriously, when it's diarrhea all the time, seeing a solid poop for the first time in MONTHS was like the best moment of my life. Forget getting engaged, graduating college twice, winning the Olympics: picking up solid poop = BEST MOMENT OF MY GOD DAMN LIFE!  

Another before

After

Yay, Sofia is much better! However, things are not all cupcakes and sunshine. Now instead of shitting everywhere, she is peeing everywhere. Le. Sigh. I think I must have invested in a lifelong supply of puppy pads; she is like an unstoppable piss machine. I guess it is a major step up from an unstoppable diarrhea machine, but it still sucks. The bathroom now smells like urine all the time. For awhile she had a bladder infection and she was drinking like a horse, but now she is all clear from infection. At this point, I no longer know if she is just being lazy and thinks she is a person so she can now pee in the bathroom, or if she still can’t hold it. I really miss the days of having a pee free house… Luckily we have found a solution that seem to get rid of the pee scent for the most part and also gives me less cleaning to do. Of course S.O. has been advocating this item for the longest and I just didn’t believe it would actually work. I mean, who would think that DIAPERS would help the pee machine leave less messes in the house? I certainly didn’t. It is not a perfect solution and I still worry that keeping a diaper on that is full will lead to more infections, but it is helping for now.

Sofia modelling the lastest diaper fashion.

Where's Marco?

Irwin Adventures

Irwin in a dress. He looks damn good.

Once upon a time, Irwin went missing. My significant other (s.o.) decided to take Irwin and Sofia to Grandma Due’s house because that is just what they do. The trip was great of course. They sure love their grandma and everything was going swell. Well, swell until Irwin- the fat ass fucker decided that he was going to escort himself out the car. I was at the animal house happily enjoying an animal free house, when S.O. came in with only Sofia. Apparently, he was taking Sofia out of the car first so he turned around for a second and Irwin Peppermint took the opportunity to get out as well. 

So, S.O. told me the cat escaped and went out looking for him. None of us were worried at the time because, well have you seen Irwin? He is not exactly the world’s fastest animal, so he could not have gone too far. However, 10 minutes later S.O. still came in with no cat. I preceded to lose my shit and rolled up in a ball to productively cry. Cause, you know, that is the number one productive thing to do. I called my mom hyper ventilating and what not, threatening divorce and other useful things. She pretty much told me to calm the fuck down and reminded me that Irwin is a fat cat so he cannot be far. 

I grabbed the extra flashlight and joined S.O. in the search. I went around the block several times, looked in the bushes, asked neighbors. Nothing. It was looking grim. So I went back for round two of “productive” crying. S.O. came in 5 minutes later with a smug fat ass Irwin. He has been underneath the neighboring car the entire time. Napping. That fucker.

Morale of the story: Irwin is a lazy ass fucker who will not go very far when left to his own devices.

Irwin at Grandma's

Hello again

 The belly of truth

 

It has been a while folks. I know you all have been desperately needing some Ifi’s animal blog in your life, so I have graciously decided to write a post dedicated to you, the fans.

Where to start, since so much has happened since the last post? Irwin and Sofia have had so many adventures and such that I would be able to fill a book with all their stories. Anyways priories. Biggest misadventures first. Sofia bit Irwin. In the face.  

What had happened was, Irwin had been getting rather courageous lately. You know, asserting his authority and such. So he was starting to smack or pat Sofia on the butt. If you know Sofia you would know that Sofia is very sensitive about her butt. She doesn’t like the vet to put things in it. She doesn’t like other doggies to be all up on it. I have no idea why. I think she has a very nice bunny butt.

Anyhow, Sofia would normally ignore Irwin’s butt smacking and act as if Irwin did not exist and it was just a fly accidently running into her butt. This time, however, it was not to be so. Sofia ended up biting the shit out of Irwin. Irwin tried to fight back, but alas he has no claws so I had to break them up. It. Was. Tragic. Irwin ended up scowling for the rest of the week and left the area if Sofia was around. Sofia was unchanged by the incident.

The bad girl

I do feel the need to back Sofia up a bit because I know most of you would think of her as a little demon dog from hell. Don’t get me wrong she is a little imp that likes to sleep under beds and breathe loudly BUT, earlier that week Sofia did have a stressful weekend with Stella at my parents’ farm. Sofia behaved extraordinarily well despite Stella being Stella, acting like a crazy beast. Sofia growled a bit at Stella but overall she was a good girl…until we came home.

I know this seems like such a tragic story with no possible good moral to it, but I assure you, there is. Moral: Don’t smack Sofia in the butt. Also, now Irwin has a sexy scar that makes him look manly. Irwin no longer is an innocent kitty, but a warrior who has fought (and lost) against the evils of the universe. 

The big guy

In the past I have defended Irwin's size. He is not fat, he is just a big boy. However, lately even I can not shy away from the fact that he is enormous. Maybe it is because Sofia is getting tiny, but Irwin looks like he has eaten another cat. The bf has finally given up on complaining about Irwin's potions and has now decided we need to make Irwin the fattest cat ever. This is not a plan I agree with. The problem is Irwin notices when I give him less food and then he starts to whine and whine a lot, so I always end up giving him more food then needed. He is such a good looking guy, but really don't want him to have health troubles in the future. He is going to be turning 6 next month, so Irwin is no longer a young guy. Well, at least he is happy and can get on his food table. Sigh. Irwin and his momma are so much alike in some ways.

Irwin, his food table, and his sweater

Chi Town mother f@ckers!

Classic Chi-Town folks!

Gato

Someone wants some pasta.

Stella bella bonana

 This somehow reminds me of Stella:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/04/wild-animal-simple-dog-goes-for-joy.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Hyperbole-and-a-half+%28Hyperbole-And-A-Half%29

The wild beast giving her "what did I do?" look.

Speaking of the Stellakins, there has been a lot of Stella sitting of late. We had the pleasure of having a Stella sleepover a while back and then this weekend we had a Sofia sleepover. As I may have mentioned before, Stella and Sofia have sooo much in common that one would think they would be the bestest friends. Alas, that is the not case...yet. Thus, the everlasting friendship of Sofia and Stella has been a main project of the boy and I. 

The S² project has been an on going task and the sleepovers are only the beginning. I am proud to say that as stressful as the sleepovers have been with Stella's constant crying, jumping on things, and chewing random non-chewable items and Sofia's growling, bitchiness, and over protected behavior, the S² crew has learned to be a pack. As much as Sofia fights Stella inside the house, outside they are a team. They chase rabbits together (or at least attemp to). They run together. They pee on each other's pee, or at least Sofia does. In other words, they are the greatest disfuntional dog pack you will ever encouter.

The pack